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It’s OK to be selfish? Yes! In fact, it is impossible to stay healthy without being somewhat selfish. For those of you who think you don’t have a selfish bone in your body, I’m here to tell you it’s a lie! It’s impossible to be totally selfless and it’s damaging to your health to try. We must be selfish at times in order to continue taking care of others. Resentment builds when you give more than you receive. A healthy mind, body, and spirit is only achieved when you take time for yourself. You can’t give freely to others if you deprive yourself.
Many women would feel reprimanded if I called them selfish, and that’s why its time to rethink what it means to be selfish. The Webster Dictionary defines selfish as concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself. Don’t we need to be exclusively concerned for ourselves at times? We would be totally self-absorbed if we got sick so why not start being somewhat selfish to maintain good health. Disease is our body’s way of demanding nurturing. If we don’t take time to relax, exercise, and eat well; our loved ones may have to live without us because we will live shorter lives. We need to look at what amount of self-care is optimum for us. Webster describes selfless as having no concern for self. It seems that both selfish and selfless give us negative connotations. So, where do we find balance? We all need nurturing and it’s unlikely that we will get something if we don’t ask for. How can we fulfill our need for nurturing without concern for ourselves? Are we to take care of others in hopes that someday they will recognize when we also have needs? If this is our mindset, it will surely lead to resentment. When a person feels taken for granted his or her energy is depleted. We all need to take time to replenish and rebuild our energy stores. When we’re drained we are unable to give to others so we must stop and rest periodically. Further, every person will eventually lash out at the people around her or him if the person doesn’t take care of her or him self. How do we begin to have healthy selfishness? Let’s start by replacing the word selfish with the term self-fulfilling. Webster describes self-fulfilling as fulfillment of oneself. The only way to counteract losing energy it to begin replenishing yourself. If you are someone who has always taken care of others without concern for your own needs; someone is likely to call you selfish as you begin this process. Be on the lookout for this good sign and say thank you when it happens because you’re on the right track. Replace the word selfish with self-fulfilled and release the negative experience that may arise. Remind yourself that you are learning balance between giving and receiving and this takes time. Health is about getting connected with your own internal wisdom. It’s about finding time from the hectic world you live in to get to know what you need and want. If you aren’t a little selfish you will never find the time to do this. To begin with, write a list of things you used to do for fun when you were younger. It may help to look through old pictures. Spend some time everyday asking yourself what you want. You may find this question foreign at first. Many women, as well as men, have never asked themselves what they want. Keep a journal handy to write things down as you identify them. Disregard things that cost money. This is more likely to be a symptom of the addictive patterns of filling with material things what is a cry for spiritual fulfillment, which is never filled with material things. Next, walks in nature will help you get back in touch with yourself and help you body also. Reduce or eliminate sugar, caffeine, and salt as much as possible. All these foods keep you in the stress response and will prevent you from slowing down which is important during this time. Eat slowly and be sure to focus on how your food tastes. Talk warm baths by candlelight with a vanilla candle or another fragrance that you have identified as relaxing. Think about taking a class on spiritual journaling and begin the long, pleasureful, journey inward. Start noticing friends that move into you circle. Be open to new experiences and ideas. You don’t have to act on anything; just be open to begin to see a new reality. Find joy in each of life’s experiences as they happen or you’ll miss the whole event. Be good to yourself. You came into this world alone and you will leave it alone. Life is what we experience in between and we have the opportunity moment-by-moment to make it fun, or hard. Just because you’ve looked at life a certain way up until now doesn’t mean that it can’t be different starting today or any other day of your choice. Make your life anew by finding time for healthy self-fulfillment. |
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